Find a Happy Parenting Balance with Your Partner

Find a Happy Parenting Balance with Your Partner

Guest Post by Jennifer Montaine

When it comes to parenting, there are many different parenting styles—even between spouses. So, how to find a happy parenting balance with your partner?

When it came to our children, I prefer setting home rules whereas my husband would rather address issues as they come up.

We quickly realized the clash in parenting styles made us both unhappy as we inadvertently undermined each other’s authority. We decided we had to take a more mindful approach to work together.

Read more on how mindfulness helps make the parenting experience more enjoyable.

Talking about our childhood

Sometimes the way we bring up our own children reflects how our own parents raised us.

For example, if your parents were strict, you may be strict with your own children. In the short term, strict parenting may give rule-abiding children. However, the children may follow rules when parent is present out of fear but maybe not when you aren’t around to enforce them.

On the other hand, children that are raised in a very strict environment and too many rules tend to be more rebellious. A study done by the University of Hampshire also showed children with controlling parents are also more likely to be delinquents when they are older.

Talking about your own childhood can help identify why you behave a certain way towards your own child. It can shed light on your reactions in stressful times, during tantrums, or how you approach discipline.

As my husband and I reflected on our childhoods, we realized pros and cons to the way we were raised. My childhood was very happy but full of rules. My husband’s upbringing was more free; however, at times could be chaotic and messy.

By being mindful of our varying experiences of childhood, we agreed to pick and choose parts of each experience. For example, we would have a few important house rules—such as kids cleaning up their messes and being respectful of each other—but we would be flexible when other things come up.

Figure out your parenting style

The first step is figuring out what is each partner’s parenting style. As mentioned above, reflection on your childhood can be a start. Taking a quiz can help you to evaluate your own parenting style.

Once both partners have a general idea of their parenting styles, discussions of parenting goals can help.

Set parenting goals

Being on the same page with your partner helps raise children in a consistent way. Otherwise, children learn to behave differently with each parent. We all the cliché, “if mom says no, go to dad!” Well, if both parents are on the same page, kids can’t play one against the other or find loopholes.

How to set parenting goals?

Sit down with your partner and make a list of all the things that you want to achieve as a parent. These may include raising a kind child, passing on family traditions, having a respectful and secure home environment with open and honest conversations.

My husband and I decided together that our main mindful parenting goal is to bring up independent, ambitious, caring, happy, and well-grounded children. We want to nurture their belief system and encourage them to be ambitious with their dreams. Another important goal is that our kids be happy and grounded.

By setting goals, we are able to see how our parenting styles can affect our kids’ behavior and responses.

Read more on the parental effect on a child’s self esteem.

This doesn’t have to be a one-time discussion. It can grow and evolve with time.

Be ok with flexibility

While trying to figure out parenting style(s), try various approaches to see what works for you and your family. Feel free to prioritize and reprioritize parenting goals as the child grows older.

If your current parenting style causes stress on you and results in misbehaviors and rebellion, it may be worth trying to do something different.

Many parents lose their tempers and yell at their kids only to find it really doesn’t help. Read more on why yelling is more detrimental than helpful. If you’re a yeller, give yourself grace and work on finding alternate ways to get the same message across.

Read more on power phrases to help when feeling disempowered.

There is no “one size fits all” when it comes to raising a happy child, especially as they are changing as they grow older.

In fact, you may find that your parenting approach needs to change to fit the child.

Mindful Parenting

By approaching parenting mindfully, we realize that parenting is about balancing two different people’s past experiences, current expectations, and adjusting it to fit the unique personalities of the kids.

Raising children is a learning experience and it helps to work with your partner as a team.

Good communication, mindfulness, and flexibility can be very helpful in order to reach a happy parenting balance.

How do you find balance with your partner in parenting? Share your tips and experiences!

About the Author:

Jennifer Montaine is a freelance writer and editor based in Portland, OR. When not writing she loves exploring nature with her two young children and traveling further afield whenever possible.