MD Musings Parenting Reflections and Tips

How Becoming a Parent Has Changed My Perspective as a Doctor

How Becoming a Parents Has Changed My Perspective as a Doctor
by Nadia Sabri, MD

In my early days as a pediatrician, I felt a little bit at a loss when parents asked specific parenting questions. Of course, I could offer them advice and refer resources but it was as a physician unaware to the nuances of parenting.

For example:

The tactile temperature

A thermometer gives one measurement not a range.  When parents respond, ‘yes, at least 102F’, I was initially puzzled. The clarification, ‘I could feel it. My child felt really hot, not like a 99F fever but closer to 102F fever”.   Ah, the tactile temperature.

After becoming a parent, I realize there is some merit to the tactile temp. One can differentiate various levels of “feeling hot” although it may not always correlate with a fever. It is not a replacement for a measured temperature, of course, but knowing now that parents can associate tactile temps as fevers without the child having an actual fever (100.4F or more), these are good educational points to review with families.

Feeding issues

So many ways to feed a baby. Let’s take breastfeeding. The benefits are many and well documented. But, does anyone tell you how hard it is and that willpower alone may not be enough for exclusive breastfeeding? Moms can be recovering from an c-section, baby not latching, delayed milk production or low supply, baby losing too much weight, etc.

I was empathetic before I had my own kids but now having experienced some of the challenges with feeding, I take extra time to tell the parents, especially moms, that they are doing a great job and to hang in there. I want moms to know that this may be a few rough days, not to give up on breastfeeding if that is their goal, and that it is ok to supplement with pumped or formula.

Wait–did you say formula, you ask. Yes, I did. Breastfeeding is great but formula is a friend too. It can help reach goal of breastfeeding despite an initial rocky start. When it comes to feeding–or parenting, or anything really–no need for extremes. Read more on natural ways to help improve milk supply, make breastfeeding easier, and things to know about pumping.

“Not a good sleeper”

There seem to a lot of different ideas about sleep and parents worry that something is wrong with their child. I like to reassure parents that each child is different and a single set of rules may not work for everyone. Generally, kids respond to a predictable bedtime routine and sleeping through the night changes with age. Also, it is ok to soothe the child.  If the child is crying, it is because he or she needs something, even if it is just your presence. Parenting doesn’t end at bedtime.

Regardless of whether parents choose to safely cosleep, room share or let the child sleep in an independent room, I like to empower parents with safe sleep options to give the child the closeness he or she wants and still allow the parents to get some sleep too.

Read more on how parental expectations affect the bedtime experience.

The meaning of being tired

I thought the sleepless nights of residency were tough. Then, I had children where one is on call 24-7 and no sick days or post call days to rest. I think back to my fellow residents and attendings who were pregnant or had little ones in residency.  I wish I had known to bring them a cup of coffee, give them a hug, or just let them know they are awesome. Read more on the truths and challenges of being a doctor mom.

Being chronically sleep deprived and having to function pleasantly and proficiently is no easy feat, regardless of if one is working at a job or as a stay at home parent. Parental burnout is real.

I recommend that parents try to rest when the baby rests. Though it may seem that using nap time (or bedtime) to squeeze in extra chores or catching up on work is efficient, it just compounds the exhaustion.  Two kids in, I realize that nap time doesn’t mean time for more work, it means a scheduled guilt free break for yourself.  You do enough during the day. Let this be your time for self care.

Prioritizing things that are important

The hours in the day don’t change and neither do the responsibilities. However, my perspective on how to handle these demands have changed. I prioritize mindful living and focus on having enriching experiences with the people who are important to me. Regular decluttering rids of extra stress: mentally, literally, and figuratively. I recommend parents decrease stress by doing less and not doing more. Figure out what adds joy and make that a priority.

Read more on how to add mindfulness to your day.

Every day is a learning experience

Of note, having kids is not a prerequisite for being a good physician. Nor does the choice to not have kids take away from being a good physician. For me, kids have been the impetus for personal and professional introspection.

In a nutshell, there are a lot of parenting decisions to make. I appreciate the depth to which parents try to make the best choices for their kids and family.

Different parental philosophies affect how a pediatrician’s advice is accepted or the challenges at finding common ground if there is difference of opinion. I knew variations existed before I became a parent but I didn’t really know what each entailed.

Working together as a team is of utmost importance for the health and happiness of the child and their caregivers.

I love being able to educate and empower parents to take the best care they can of their child. I’m right here with you, both as a pediatrician and as a fellow parent. It’s a learning experience and I am glad we are in it together.

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34 Comments

  • Reply
    Emily
    February 18, 2018 at 8:23 pm

    Great read. You are so right on nap time needing to be an actual break. It took me forever to get that. I always wanted to try and work or clean. I needed to relax!

    • Reply
      themindfulmdmom
      February 20, 2018 at 10:52 pm

      It’s one of those things that doesn’t seem like a big deal. However,if nap time is properly used, it can be so refreshing and life-changing! At least until the kid(s) decide to stop napping or down to very short naps–which is where I am right now. Yay for early bedtimes!

  • Reply
    veronica bolton
    February 18, 2018 at 8:47 pm

    i ended up going to your self care blog and that helped me a lot! I am now inspired to take better care of myself. thanks for that! i also subscribed to your blog!

    • Reply
      themindfulmdmom
      February 20, 2018 at 10:46 pm

      I am so glad to hear that, Veronica! Thank you!

  • Reply
    PracticeBalance
    February 20, 2018 at 10:25 am

    It’s so nice to have gone through some of the same trials and tribulations as your patients. Thanka for sharing!

    • Reply
      themindfulmdmom
      February 20, 2018 at 10:39 pm

      Experiencing something definitely gives an entirely different level of understanding!

  • Reply
    alexis
    February 20, 2018 at 10:41 am

    This is really a great post! It’s funny how when something in your life changes it can change your perspective on so much more!

  • Reply
    Brandi
    February 20, 2018 at 10:46 am

    It makes complete since how your personal experience aids in your profession. I found so much valuable information here. Thank you so much for sharing!

  • Reply
    Tayler
    February 20, 2018 at 11:20 am

    This is so great! I love that you use your parenting to help your patients! Moms really need to stick together and learn from each other! I loved learning from your post!

  • Reply
    Sarah
    February 20, 2018 at 12:06 pm

    This is such an excellent post. When I was teaching, I did my best to be empathetic to the parents of my students, but after having my own child I realized: I had NO idea what I was talking about. At all. It completely changed my perspective, and I, like you, think that it’s made me much better at my job!

    • Reply
      themindfulmdmom
      February 20, 2018 at 10:37 pm

      Thanks, Sarah! One thinks they have it all figured out–and then they have kids and realize there is still SO much more learning to do! It is definitely a plus when it helps in both the personal and professional sphere.

  • Reply
    Ob Doctor Mom
    February 20, 2018 at 2:47 pm

    Great post! I agree that I became a better doctor after having my own kids. As an ob/gyn, I could empathize much more with the struggling breast feeding mom. I could also understand the fear patients feel right before a cesarean section, despite my medical knowledge of the indications and relative safety. You approach things a different way when you have been through it yourself and can empathize on a whole new level.

  • Reply
    Brittany
    February 20, 2018 at 10:15 pm

    Everyday is certainly a learning experience! I never knew what exhaustion meant until having my baby.

  • Reply
    Brandi Michel | FamilyFelicity.com
    February 21, 2018 at 9:29 am

    I agree with all of these points, especially the need for a consistent self care routine. Not necessarily getting a mani/pedi but making room for those things that are not mom and work related that simply bring us joy. For example, reading, gardening, or for some maybe even exercise. That last one isn’t me, though. Lol

    • Reply
      themindfulmdmom
      February 21, 2018 at 9:57 pm

      Find what works for you and go with it! Thanks for sharing.

  • Reply
    autumn
    February 21, 2018 at 7:07 pm

    Interesting read coming from the perspective of a doctor who is also a parent. Self-care is something that women let slip as we tend to change our focus on our children once they are born. Balance is everything.

    • Reply
      themindfulmdmom
      February 21, 2018 at 9:27 pm

      Totally agree. And finding and keeping the balance is one of the most challenging things!

  • Reply
    Sarah
    February 21, 2018 at 10:03 pm

    Definitely appreciate Doctors who exude the belief & attitude that we are, truly “in this together”. Parenting is hard, with lots of options, sharing points of view with each other, without being defensive is a great healthy route to a happier world 🙂

  • Reply
    Melissa Welby
    March 20, 2018 at 3:47 pm

    Yes yes yes! I agree with it all. I couldn’t believe after my first that I could possibly be more tired than in residency but I was. Work-life balance? Forever out of balance! Gone are the days when I could do things like sit down and watch tv. Just waiting for retirement in 25years lol

    • Reply
      themindfulmdmom
      March 23, 2018 at 3:26 am

      25 years is too far away! There’s no time like the present 😉

  • Reply
    Christina J.
    March 20, 2018 at 8:25 pm

    As a fellow pediatrician, I agree totally that becoming a parent totally changed me as a physician. Especially as an emergency medicine pediatrician, I now carry forward just a little bit more sensitivity and more freely give a pass to some of the differences in the subtleties of parenting. Thank you for this!

    • Reply
      themindfulmdmom
      March 23, 2018 at 3:25 am

      There really IS a difference between knowledge and knowledge + experience. Thanks, Christina!

  • Reply
    Jessica
    April 30, 2018 at 1:41 pm

    Great post! Thanks for all the info!

  • Reply
    Sam
    April 30, 2018 at 2:03 pm

    Perception prior to having kids vs after is a totally difference. High fives to all the moms out there doing your best!

  • Reply
    Shelley
    April 30, 2018 at 2:49 pm

    All of this! I distinctly remember our pediatrician telling me to consider giving my daughter formula because she wasn’t putting weight on quickly as she would have liked. I hated the idea, didn’t want to do it but my husband convinced me to try it and I was so grateful I did. She gained weight quicker, seemed happier, slept better. It was important for me to realize that exclusive breastfeeding had nothing to do with me and my desire but my daughter’s needs. On our next appointment, I told her how grateful I was for her suggestion and that it really helped ease some anxiety. Keep doing awesome work 🙂

    • Reply
      themindfulmdmom
      May 1, 2018 at 10:41 pm

      I am so glad to hear that! We hear so many things about motherhood and parenting that it is easy to get this perfect picture of what it is supposed to be like. And it is hard when challenges come our way. However, things in balance are the best. Thanks for sharing your experience, Shelley!

  • Reply
    Meredith Bellamy
    March 23, 2019 at 9:41 am

    I am an OB/GYN and pregnant with my first baby! Looking for any book recommendations you might have for a doctor becoming a first time mom! Mostly I’m worried about the baby stuff and parenting and I know a book won’t help, but it can’t hurt.

    • Reply
      themindfulmdmom
      April 12, 2019 at 11:10 am

      Hi Meredith, congrats on your pregnancy! Got some recs for you. Check your email!

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