Motherhood Moments: Time, Slow Down!

Motherhood Moments: Time, Slow Down!
by Dr. Nadia

‘Mommy, sit with me’.

My 2 year old mumbles in her sleep, reaching her little arm to find me. I lay near her, cuddling her in my arms. She snuggles closer, her eyes still closed, “I lub you, Mommy. Don’t go anywhere”.

‘I love you too, baby, ” I whisper, ‘Mommy’s right here with you’.

Right now, I’m at at home with my kids. My four year old is already asleep and the two year old is close to falling asleep.

Unlike most days, right now I don’t feel the rush to hurry up bedtime so I can get to the remaining tasks of the day. Today is different. I don’t have to finish up leftover work from work, answer emails, or be distracted.

My stethoscope, computer, and phone are far away right now.

I stay with her until her heartbeat matches mine and her breaths slow down to match the rhythm of a restful sleep.

She is off in dreamland.

It is safe to slip out of the room now with the stealthy ninja moves of a seasoned parent. I could leave the room now and it would be fine. She wouldn’t even know I’m gone.

But I don’t leave yet. I stay there a little while longer and reflect for a few minutes.

The Early Days of Parenthood

You know, when one first becomes a parent, people love to say, “enjoy every second. It goes by so fast!”

This cliche used to annoy me to no end– especially in the early days of parenthood.

Those days, time felt as palpable as the tension in my shoulders, it felt as long and unending as the sleepless nights and as blurry as the days that seemed to blend together.

Those were the days when my husband and I discovered that each of our adorable yet apparently insomniac babies were emotionally allergic to their cribs and slept best on us or in our arms.  Life seemed to be dictated by breastfeeding and/or pumping and some days seemed like never-ending tantrums.

Yes, those were the days when under eye concealer was a best friend and I longed for quiet moments in the chaos, dreaming with eyes open of restful nights of uninterrupted slumber.

Those days, I looked forward to the future.

I was ready for my high energy babies to be older, sleep through the night, to become toddlers, to grow up, for me to enjoy all the phases of motherhood instead of just trudging through it.

Was I missing something? Why didn’t my kids get the memo of “the rules of babyhood”?

Then, I realized that maybe it was time to stop viewing life through the “perfect” filter which distorts or fantasizes parenthood as it “should” be as opposed to how it is–not a lake but more like an ocean which has both turbulence and calm. I learned to relax, not take everything so seriously, give myself permission to experience instead of managing this parent/child experience.

Read more on five things every mom needs to know and how mindfulness can help the parenthood experience.

Thanks to those days, I have overflowing empathy for new parents along with shared experiences.

Read more on natural ways to to increase milk supply, tips on pumping, my approach to tantrums, babyproofing made easy, recognizing parental burnout,  self care tips for busy moms, parenting hacks to traveling with kids, and oh so much more!

Parenthood is a journey of never ending learning, isn’t it?

Late toddler/Early Preschool Stage

My youngest’s cherub cheeks will soon become more defined as she becomes a preschooler like her older sister. Soon, my preschooler’s adorable lisp and grammatical errors will disappear too.

Today, I am able to make them both squeal with delight and laugh like I am the funniest comedienne on earth just from making silly faces, squinting my eyes, and chasing them around the house. We dress up in princess dresses or pirate gear or pretend we are robots.

They entertain me with their ridiculously wild games and story lines. For example, there was the time when they wanted me to stand at the base of the slide as a “toe monster” and my job as this character was to tickle their toes. However, I also had to chase them around with one eye closed because “the tickle toe monster only has one eye until the fairy gives the magic potion to fix the other eye”, my four year tells me with total seriousness.

Yeah… totally makes sense to me too…

They found the game utterly hysterical.

I wish I could collect those peals of laughter as in a locket near my heart.

So, I stay a little longer and kiss the forehead of my sleeping babies.

And I wish I could slow down time.

These are the days when they can let me know what they are thinking, have no hesitation in sharing their love and big emotions, when they are solid yet squishy making them perfect for big hugs, when everything in this world is fascinating to them.

These are the days of nature walks for collections of crinkled leaves, dandelions, pebbles, acorns and artwork with scribbles and stick figures as symbols of their love.

I have multiple imaginary tea parties daily with them in my fairy wings or crown or whatever else they think I need as Queen Mommy, tickle toe monster, or whatever my character is that day.

These days, they want to hang out with me, have PJ “jammy” parties, and go on imaginary adventures around the house and backyard.

Of all the phases of childhood, this stage is my favorite. I just want to squeeze all of their squishiness. Cuteness overload in the late toddler/early preschooler stage.

My once totally dependent babies are growing up into children, showing us their individuality,quirks, interests, imagination.

Challenging times, too, as they are learning how to manage big emotions (ie. tantrums), learn independence (“Mommy, I can do it!” as they put on their mismatched clothes), and want to know about everything.

It’s a time of a LOT of questions and nonstop commentary.
“But why?”
“NOOOOOO, I don’t want to!”
“Otay, I got it” and “I do it by myself!”

It’s amazing to see the beautiful interplay of their childhood growth and development and our evolution as parents and people. I’m more conscious than ever on how much our behaviors, biases, and responses affect our children. Read more on the parental effect on children’s self esteem.

My heart melts when I see my two kids looking out for each other, asking each other “so, how was your day?” and sharing their toys and books with each other. This situation may only last a few seconds to minutes before they realize they actually don’t want to give away that particular thing. But hey, at least the sentiments of love, sharing means caring, and empathy are developing.

These are the days I want to hold on to for as long as I can.

Ah, parenthood, the eternal paradox: the days are long but the years really are short.

I sigh but it’s not a sigh of annoyance or fatigue.

Right now, it’s an exhalation of complex emotion: full of joy, frustration, confusion, exhilaration, and wonder. It’s the bittersweet realization that they are growing up and it really is fast.

The days I had been wishing for are here.

I find myself renewing a promise to my myself and to my family.

Instead of getting caught up in memories of the past or envisioning the future, I will enjoy this present experience to its fullest capacity.

Childhood really is a time limited gift.

*******

What were your favorite memories of parenthood? What are things you know now that you wish you knew when you first became a parent? Which stage are you currently experience and/or which one is your favorite?